Paradise....
Sometimes it feels like the things we do is never enough. We can try so hard and all we get is disappointment. Then we could do nothing at all and get depression. Failure scares the shit out of me. Failure means defeat….but there's still that glimpse of "what if?" that keeps driving me. You know what? That image that I see is the only reason why I'm still alive. I want to see it with my own eyes and know that I made this possible.
Its so cliché for me to like Wolf's Rain, being a wolf person and all, but really, I really-really LOVE Wolf's Rain. It's the idea of paradise and the analogies it stands for. That series really related to me. Not the events really, but the emotions. Kiba is probably my most favorite of characters just for the way he thinks. He can become belligerent and arrogant but there's that side to him you don't quite understand but you can't help to feel it. It's not when he is just casually speaking but when he is being serious it's like something takes over him and speaks through him. You can't help but to listen because you know deep down, its truth.
The image of paradise is unknown to all and some people just forget about it saying it's a silly fantasy that only children believe. But there are those that can not let go of that fantasy. It would feel wrong and corroding. They would no longer have anything to hold on to so they would lose faith in the world, to themselves, to their gods, and to their soul and they would die. They have to believe in order to survive.
Taking the analogy a bit further, what about anything you want to accomplish but seems daunting in complexity from opposition to singularity? It's easy to disperse from such fantasies or illusions, as some would call them.
I don't know what drives me and I don't know what paradise looks like either. I just feel it constantly, this nagging force that renders me asunder if I do not head its voice. I must do the things it tells me for my heart sighs to its words. The faint whispers in the quiet that tell me "make your way to paradise". But what is paradise? Can you tell me? And all I hear is silence.
But in spite of not knowing, I must find it. I must see it for myself with my own two eyes and know then, it was not fantasy – it's real.
I want to help the wolves, I always have. I've acted upon that at most every opportunity I've got. The ones I did not, I regretted. At this particular time in my life and the time of the world I've found myself feeling this again. Ken Salazar's delisting of wolves from the endangered species list has driven me mad and I must do something for if I don't I will be failing myself, my beliefs, and my worth as a living creature in this world.
I've got this glimpse of accomplishment that drives me through all the opposition and the feeling of being so minuscule that I can not affect something as large as it. But I must try. I have to. Do you understand that? If I fail, sure - I will be angry but I will know I gave it my all and I stood up for what I believe in. I did not do it for any amount of money or greed. I stood up because I have to listen to my heart. I did it for the wealth of my heart and the wealth of the things it loves. I'm going to try to bring that piece of paradise here no matter what the costs.
It may not be a physical voice calling out to me, but I will not deny its presence. It's the voice telling us what we should do. There's a song by the band Flaw called What I Have to Do. In the chorus is this verse, "Only a few of us go in the right direction, even Though we're singled out. It's the only thing that keeps me alive. I do what I have to do." Everyone knows what to do, but few of us actually do it. This is the voice I'm speaking of. It's the voice that tells us to be all that we can be and make a beneficial impact on our environment. How can such a voice be wrong? It's not wrong at all. In fact, you know without a doubt its right, most of us are just too afraid of getting set up for failure.
If you tried, you did not fail. No matter what, you can't fail because you learned something new. There's a lot of things in my past that were very-very uncomfortable and some of them totally disturbing for me to remember. But they happened and I am glad they did because I would not be the person I am today had I not experienced them. I didn't fail though I may have thought so at the time. I succeeded and I am alive. Being alive is already enough success on its own for my life.
I write about self-help stuff a lot because of the past I've led. Things I still think about today that affect me. Remorse, regret, depression, anger, these are a few of the things I have to deal with on a daily basis. It's just got much easier to deal with them now from previous experience. I tried to take my own life on a few occasions. The last time was about four years ago about a month before I went out to Mission:Wolf in Colorado. I said on that day, "Today is the day where I make a decision. I am to take my own life now or never attempt it again." I practiced pulling the trigger of an unloaded 9mm against my head before I loaded it but once it was loaded, I couldn't do it. Was that failure or success?
I am alive because of the things I want to see in the world. I'm alive because I care to be. I'm going to try to be everything I've always dreamed to be. That's why I started working with the wolves, because I said I wanted to at a much younger age. It just took that last experience with an attempted suicide to steer me down the path I've always known I should have been walking. So promises me something, don't you ever stop searching for paradise. You've got what it takes…
Commission Status: All Slots Open! Reserve yours now!
For a price list, please refer to journal entry entitled, "Healing Wolf Jewelry" here: wolf-of-samhain.deviantart.com…
For a list of Gems available, refer to journal entry entitled, "The Gem's I Have" here: wolf-of-samhain.deviantart.com…
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Healing Wolf Jewelry Update
2 min read
I suppose I started making jewelry out of shed wolf hair roughly 8 years ago when I was working at Mission:Wolf in Colorado.
I wasn't very good at it at first but I've come a long way and it shows in the quality of my wares. I enjoy crafting them but most of all, I enjoy sharing them with people I know will like them. The biggest reward is the person's delight.
Unfortunately, I've come to a time in my life where I need to make less jewelry and focus on my career in massage therapy. I'll be licensed in about one more month. I can't wait to start working and making a figure I can comfortably live off of for a change. That, and I truly enjoy it. But I've had to look at a lot of things I do differently too.
Making jewelry takes a very long time and it hurts my hands. It might take me around five hours of solid work to be able to complete a single bracelet or twelve hours for a necklace and yet I've only been selling them for $80 for a bracelet and $200 for a necklace on average. I don't want to stop making jewelry all together but I also need to ensure that I can focus on massage and take better care of my hands.
That being said, you will notice an increase in my prices and I will only be taking commissions by request. On the upside, you might see me at a lot of furry conventions setup with my massage chair and table! It's been a huge goal of mine once I graduate to get a job and work at cons where I can meet like-minded people. I've got a whole bunch of plans and am very excited to put them into motion here in the next six months or so.
Not sure what else to say or how to wrap this up so I'll just wish you all a wonderful day and hope to see you at some conventions soon!
I wasn't very good at it at first but I've come a long way and it shows in the quality of my wares. I enjoy crafting them but most of all, I enjoy sharing them with people I know will like them. The biggest reward is the person's delight.
Unfortunately, I've come to a time in my life where I need to make less jewelry and focus on my career in massage therapy. I'll be licensed in about one more month. I can't wait to start working and making a figure I can comfortably live off of for a change. That, and I truly enjoy it. But I've had to look at a lot of things I do differently too.
Making jewelry takes a very long time and it hurts my hands. It might take me around five hours of solid work to be able to complete a single bracelet or twelve hours for a necklace and yet I've only been selling them for $80 for a bracelet and $200 for a necklace on average. I don't want to stop making jewelry all together but I also need to ensure that I can focus on massage and take better care of my hands.
That being said, you will notice an increase in my prices and I will only be taking commissions by request. On the upside, you might see me at a lot of furry conventions setup with my massage chair and table! It's been a huge goal of mine once I graduate to get a job and work at cons where I can meet like-minded people. I've got a whole bunch of plans and am very excited to put them into motion here in the next six months or so.
Not sure what else to say or how to wrap this up so I'll just wish you all a wonderful day and hope to see you at some conventions soon!
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Healing Wolf Jewelry Price List 2018
3 min read
Solid Weave WaresSolid Weaves are available in Black Phase Timber, Gray, or Arctic Wolf Hair.
Bracelet: $125 Anklet: $150 Necklace: $250 with Two Linked Gems (Four Links Available) Choker: $225 with Two Linked Gems (Gemless Available) Candy Cane Weave WaresCandy Cane Weaves are available in couples of two different color hair like Black Phase Timber and Arctic or Black PT and Gray Wolf Hairs.
Bracelet: $150 Anklet: $175 Necklace: $325 with Two Linked Gems (Four Links Available) Choker: $300 with Two Linked Gems (Gemless Available) Snow Leopard and Wolf Hair Bracelet: $200 Snow Leopard and Wolf Hair Necklace: $350 (Four Links Available) Snow Leopard Hair Bracelet: $175 Anklet: $200 Necklace: $325 Choker: $300 Dog Hair JewelryIf you are interested in having me make some jewelry of you four-legged family member's hair, send me a note and we'll discuss the details. Sadly, this is only available for doubled coated canines such as huskies, malamutes, shepherds, chows, akitas and others with a thick undercoat and some thick coated cats or other animals. By chance that you have both a black and a white dog or just some that are contrasting in color, I might be able to make Candy Cane Wares from their fur too!
Bracelet: $100 Anklet: $125 Necklace: $225 with Two Linked Gems (Four Links Available) Choker: $200 with Two Linked Gems (Gemless Available)For a list of available Gems, click here: Gemstones
Possible discounts available when more than one item is purchased.
If you're interested in a commission, please contact me here on Deviant Art or at Wolf.of.Samhain13@Gmail.com
Keychains and Vial Pendants are no longer available for purchase. Sorry!
Cruelty Free
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Of Wolves and Men
16 min read
I've been fascinated by wolves my whole life. Ever since I was a little kid, I collected trinkets and plushies. Later, I started studying them and eventually began working with them for two years.
Wolves are my life and there's really not much I care about more.
When I was working at the wolf sanctuaries, I learned a lot. I loved it there but it wasn't until I met Rayne that I knew I had to move on and make a life for us. Rayne is a wolfdog. He came to Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary as a puppy along with two siblings. They exhibited enough dog-like traits that we thought we could work with them. I fell in love with Rayne and he did so with me. For nearly six years, he has been my most loved friend and I have gone through so much with him. I knew when I got him that it was going to be tough trying to provide for an animal that can never be truly satisfied. I just tried the best I could.
Rayne is scared of everything. That's why his middle name is Courage. He very rarely lets anyone touch him except for me, not even my roommate who I've loved and trusted for over four years now. He has been known to run away from cats that hiss at him and pretty much all people that look at him for more than two seconds.
I don't tell people what breed of dog Rayne is. Instead, I lie and say he's a malamute/Belgian shepherd mutt. I lie because I don't want people seeing him and thinking “Oh, what an awesome looking wolfdog. I want one too.” No. If you love wolves, you should not do that. I can not please Rayne. Anything and everything I do falls short of what he needs to be truly happy. There is nothing less for him but living in the woods and pitching a tent every night to a fire. He wants to be free. I can't give him the freedom he wants. No one can, not even a wolf sanctuary.
Never spend your money getting a wolf or wolfdog as a pet that only fuels the breeders and so-called advocates to continue supplying these animals to naïve people. Call up any wolf sanctuary or refuge in any country and ask them where most of their wolves or wolfdogs come from. People that thought they could make it as a pet. Test me on this if you like.
Rayne came to Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary and I wanted to give him a chance at being happy. I figured, he could stay here at the sanctuary and be unhappy or he can be with me and be unhappy but at least with me there would be perks like air conditioning, nice food, dog parks, constant attention, a bond that cannot be broken, and love – lots and lots of love. There has been only one thing that I've found that Rayne likes besides me and that's joring. Joring is an activity (or sport) where you go biking with your dog pulling you ahead. Rayne has a custom fitted sled dog harness with his name stitched into it. We also have a nice pull line that has a bungee built into it to absorb shock and an extension unit specifically made for joring called a Bay-O-Net that keeps the line from getting caught in the tire and is very flexible. When I bring out his harness, he goes berserk knowing that he's about to run. He has been taught several commands specific to joring and usually does really well. “Ki” is right, “Lee” is left, “Zip” is to run fast, “Height” is to slow down “Halt” is to come to a complete stop which is usually followed by “Sit” and “Stay” (we practice that at every intersection).
Rayne is pretty good with commands but I know he only chooses to obey them. Sometimes, however, he chooses not to obey me especially when he knows I can't force him like when he's not on a leash. Rayne has been known to be a bit of a Houdini and has gotten away from me a few times. In fear of loosing him for good, I had him micro chipped and bought a GPS tracking collar that I pay for monthly. Unfortunately I've had to use it a couple times but I'm glad I had it. I tried getting an electric fence but he only yelps as he tops the crest of the fence and keeps running as I call after him. I tried remote shock collars, which is something I really – really try to avoid, but he didn't care about that either. So with no option left, I have had to tether him when he wants to go outside. I hate tethers... but what else can I do? The house I live in I rent so I can't just rip up their fence and build a new one that's higher. Even if they would allow me, the city laws restrict the kind of fence I would need. Hell, you can't even put up an eight foot privacy fence since everyone else has four foot chain link. Not that a privacy fence would help much since he would quickly learn that he could jump that too or he'd just dig underneath it. Trust me, I've seen a wolf jump and clear a twelve foot fence with an inward overhang and he was 14 years old...my jaw hit the ground. That was a proper wolf fence too. When I worked at the sanctuaries, I built and helped build several fences and they are no joke. For a one acre enclosure, it's going to cost roughly $15,000 in material costs alone. That was in 2008. A proper wolf fence has twelve foot fences with a two foot overhang and five feet of ground wire that attaches to the fence and dives down three feet. Even with this, they find ways to get out when they want to. For the most part, they choose to stay. Anyways, I don't think I would be able to install one of those here even if I could afford it.
I used to take Rayne to work with me when I worked at the boarding facilities, doggie daycares, and veterinary offices. In Albuquerque, we used to go to the dog park almost everyday. I tried socializing him with other dogs and people as much as I could. He gets along with most all dogs. The ones he didn't I knew I needed to watch because they were typically the ones that start quarrels. He was kind of handy for that. I never saw him fight back and would laugh when little toy dogs would jump on him and boss him around. He loses interests with other dogs really fast though. At dog parks, he greats them and in about 10 seconds, he'd go looking around sniffing here and there.
Sometimes he will go into my roommate's room and lay down behind his chair when he's at his desk or will lay on his bed and go to sleep if he's outside his room. If Sandy turns to face him or tries to pet him, he runs away. He'll sniff him when he's not looking though but still panics if he gets up too fast. It's been this way for about four and a half years. Sandy has never laid a hand to him and even goes on runs with him if I hook up Rayne's collar for him. I know it has to make him feel like crap because he cares about Rayne but Rayne is afraid of him for no reason at all. Sandy is a great guy and he'd never harm him and never has. No one has. This dog gets nothing but love but he thinks everything wants to eat him or something.....including cats. I don't get it.
Clearly, the wolf attributes are predominant on these things. You can't domesticate a wolf. That takes hundreds and hundreds of years. You can socialize them but this can be dangerous too not only for those the wolf or wolfdog comes in contact with, but to the wolf itself. Biting a person has dire consequences. If a kid is bit in the face, most state laws require the head to be mailed off for testing looking for rabies even if the documentation is available stating it was vaccinated. I've worked at humane societies and animal shelters too. This is true in all places that I'm aware of.
The most important things I learned at the wolf sanctuaries is: “Wolves and wolfdogs do not make good pets” and “The biggest difference between a wolf and a dog is that a dog never grows up.”
This last Sunday Rayne had an incident... We were joring and coming up behind an older man walking his little toy breed dog. I got off the sidewalk and told him to move on but then he pulled me over towards the dog anyways. He came up behind it grabbed it in his jaws and shook while the man scrambled, screamed, and fell over in panic and me jumping off my bike yelling at Rayne to stop. Never had Rayne done anything like that before. I was shocked. Not but two months ago we had little Gracie, my roommate's parent's dog, over while they were on vacation. He could have cared less. This was so sudden and unprovoked and just so – so very out of the personality I've come to know over the nearly six years of his life. Fortunately, the smaller dog seemed to be okay as well as the man. No cops have knocked on my door either to both my surprise and relief.
About two weeks ago I found a dead possum in the backyard. I wasn't sure at first how it died but now I'm fairly certain that he killed it. That's probably the first kill he's had of that size. He once caught a mouse when he was turning two but that would be all that I'm aware of. Possums are fairly large, about the size of a small cat on average. This one seemed to have been healthy which arose my suspicions but Rayne has always been so gentle and fearful of everything. He still has his first toy with all the stuffing still inside of it as well as 50 some odd other toys all over the place acquired over time. Most of the squeakers still work too.
Now, I'm terrified for his well-being. I fear that the next time he gets out, something bad is going to happen, worse than Sunday... I can't blame him for being what he is. I know he didn't mean to hurt me when he did it. I'm certain he would never intentionally hurt me. He chooses when to listen to me though, and that's a problem I haven't been able to resolve. With him getting out in the past, it worried me to no end that he would get hit by a car or something. That's why I purchased a GPS tracker but it doesn't do me any good if I find him and he's killed someone's pet or bitten a kid....
It really feels like I have only three options available to me. I can take him back to Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary where he can live behind a fence for the remainder of his life and no longer have the luxury he's become accustomed to, I could ignore the incident and pray that nothing like this happens again, or euthanasia...which it totally screwed up and I don't know how I'd be able to live with myself. If I ignore this incident and just hope nothing bad happens, I take a really large gamble. I already feel horrible for the man whose dog was attacked. What if it were worse than that? Rayne, being as scared of people as he is, would not likely be caught by a uniform. He would probably be shot instead... No doubt he'd be ordered to be terminated if he were to bite a person. The trauma and fear he would be experiencing is gut wrenching for me to think about...and I wouldn't be there because I'd probably be at work. I'd get a notification that he was outside the designated zone though but these things happen so fast, I'd likely be too late. And Rayne's sake aside, if he were to kill another person's pet or attack a human it would emotionally scar those involved too and that's not right either. I don't mind gambling with my own life as much since I am the reaper of my harvest but I do -not- gamble with others well being. It's just wrong. Sure, there are a few names I'd love to see scratched off but my feelings for those people is specific to them...mostly politicians. I would feel horrible if I was responsible for altering another person's life for the worse indefinitely. I don't want to be that person. One or more lives could be abruptly ended and I really don't know how I'd handle myself with all of that guilt and grief left behind...
The only choice that feels remotely right is taking him back to Wild Spirit. He'll likely be placed in an one to two acre enclosure with another wolf or wolfdog and he may not leave it very often. Fortunately, he knows Leyton, the director, and he is one of the few people that he allows to touch him. Then again, it's been five years since the last time he saw him but a nose doesn't forget. I'm sure Leyton will spend as much time with him as he's able to and hopefully he'll befriend a volunteer. Some creatures just resonate well with others better. Selina typically hated most people but she loved me. Rayne might find someone there that he resonates with too. That would be temporary though... the bond ends when the volunteer leaves and I don't think that the bond him and I have could ever be replaced. Which is another worry of mine...that I may not be able to see him again either..... If my presence after being away for an extended amount of time hurts him, I can't repeat that. I wouldn't repeat that even though it would hurt me to be away. It would hurt me worse to hurt him more than I already have by leaving him in the first place. I'd love to have the excuse to go to WSWS more but I really couldn't if it were to stress him out by my doing so. I could only hope that he would adjust to it well.
I have failed Rayne a few times before, but I've always bettered myself to better his life and I feel like I came a long way and did the best I could for him but with this recent attack...it's something I can't control and therefore, can't remedy. It's on him and it's not his fault. It's just his nature and I'm sure he did it because he thought it was the right thing to do or least wouldn't be bad. The concept of good and bad is a human thing and we really can't expect other animals to discern between the two. I can't blame him for being what he is. I love what and who he is more than anything. I don't place fault on myself though either. I gave it my best shot and I feel like I did everything I could have done in his upbringing with socialization and recreation to have prevented something like this from happening. I only asked to take him on just because I thought he might be doggy enough to make it as one and that he deserved to live greatly. I wanted to give him that. I think I did but he's still got at least eight more years of life in him without the life I was building for us. It was rough at first but we pulled through and yet it was so short lived compared to what could have been... It's all based on a hope for something better. Who could be blamed for that?
If I blame anyone, I blame the people that helped bring him into this world to begin with. It's a domino effect that starts with people buying wild animals as pets and ends with people breeding them to sell them. It's a short few links but you'd be surprised at how many people can't recognize this. I lied to people about what he was every time for a reason. I hate lying but I'd lie a million times over if it were to prevent someone from contributing to this system. These people disgust me and animal sanctuaries are full to the brim with these discarded animals. Rayne came in as a pup. His mother and father were killed after a shootout between some police officers and a guy selling arms and drugs. An officer was shot in the leg and they opened fire on him, but what to do with his wolves? I guess he got them because he thought they'd make good guard dogs....except they aren't dogs and dogs shouldn't be treated that way either. The mother and father were terminated but Rayne and his two siblings were spared and ended up in the hands of the sanctuary after another couple tried to house them for a few months. Wolf sanctuaries are in business to go out of business. The goal is to provide a permanent home where they can live in comfort and safety and to educate the public about them. Rule #1 is that they don't make good pets.
I feel horrible and I'm battling depression. It will only get worse for a time but I'm sure it will subside years later. I doubt I will ever be able to think about him without getting a lump in my throat. He will feel horrible too when I leave him at the sanctuary... This is horrible for all of us.
You cannot say you love animals and get a wild one as a pet.
Wolves are my life and there's really not much I care about more.
When I was working at the wolf sanctuaries, I learned a lot. I loved it there but it wasn't until I met Rayne that I knew I had to move on and make a life for us. Rayne is a wolfdog. He came to Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary as a puppy along with two siblings. They exhibited enough dog-like traits that we thought we could work with them. I fell in love with Rayne and he did so with me. For nearly six years, he has been my most loved friend and I have gone through so much with him. I knew when I got him that it was going to be tough trying to provide for an animal that can never be truly satisfied. I just tried the best I could.
Rayne is scared of everything. That's why his middle name is Courage. He very rarely lets anyone touch him except for me, not even my roommate who I've loved and trusted for over four years now. He has been known to run away from cats that hiss at him and pretty much all people that look at him for more than two seconds.
I don't tell people what breed of dog Rayne is. Instead, I lie and say he's a malamute/Belgian shepherd mutt. I lie because I don't want people seeing him and thinking “Oh, what an awesome looking wolfdog. I want one too.” No. If you love wolves, you should not do that. I can not please Rayne. Anything and everything I do falls short of what he needs to be truly happy. There is nothing less for him but living in the woods and pitching a tent every night to a fire. He wants to be free. I can't give him the freedom he wants. No one can, not even a wolf sanctuary.
Never spend your money getting a wolf or wolfdog as a pet that only fuels the breeders and so-called advocates to continue supplying these animals to naïve people. Call up any wolf sanctuary or refuge in any country and ask them where most of their wolves or wolfdogs come from. People that thought they could make it as a pet. Test me on this if you like.
Rayne came to Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary and I wanted to give him a chance at being happy. I figured, he could stay here at the sanctuary and be unhappy or he can be with me and be unhappy but at least with me there would be perks like air conditioning, nice food, dog parks, constant attention, a bond that cannot be broken, and love – lots and lots of love. There has been only one thing that I've found that Rayne likes besides me and that's joring. Joring is an activity (or sport) where you go biking with your dog pulling you ahead. Rayne has a custom fitted sled dog harness with his name stitched into it. We also have a nice pull line that has a bungee built into it to absorb shock and an extension unit specifically made for joring called a Bay-O-Net that keeps the line from getting caught in the tire and is very flexible. When I bring out his harness, he goes berserk knowing that he's about to run. He has been taught several commands specific to joring and usually does really well. “Ki” is right, “Lee” is left, “Zip” is to run fast, “Height” is to slow down “Halt” is to come to a complete stop which is usually followed by “Sit” and “Stay” (we practice that at every intersection).
Rayne is pretty good with commands but I know he only chooses to obey them. Sometimes, however, he chooses not to obey me especially when he knows I can't force him like when he's not on a leash. Rayne has been known to be a bit of a Houdini and has gotten away from me a few times. In fear of loosing him for good, I had him micro chipped and bought a GPS tracking collar that I pay for monthly. Unfortunately I've had to use it a couple times but I'm glad I had it. I tried getting an electric fence but he only yelps as he tops the crest of the fence and keeps running as I call after him. I tried remote shock collars, which is something I really – really try to avoid, but he didn't care about that either. So with no option left, I have had to tether him when he wants to go outside. I hate tethers... but what else can I do? The house I live in I rent so I can't just rip up their fence and build a new one that's higher. Even if they would allow me, the city laws restrict the kind of fence I would need. Hell, you can't even put up an eight foot privacy fence since everyone else has four foot chain link. Not that a privacy fence would help much since he would quickly learn that he could jump that too or he'd just dig underneath it. Trust me, I've seen a wolf jump and clear a twelve foot fence with an inward overhang and he was 14 years old...my jaw hit the ground. That was a proper wolf fence too. When I worked at the sanctuaries, I built and helped build several fences and they are no joke. For a one acre enclosure, it's going to cost roughly $15,000 in material costs alone. That was in 2008. A proper wolf fence has twelve foot fences with a two foot overhang and five feet of ground wire that attaches to the fence and dives down three feet. Even with this, they find ways to get out when they want to. For the most part, they choose to stay. Anyways, I don't think I would be able to install one of those here even if I could afford it.
I used to take Rayne to work with me when I worked at the boarding facilities, doggie daycares, and veterinary offices. In Albuquerque, we used to go to the dog park almost everyday. I tried socializing him with other dogs and people as much as I could. He gets along with most all dogs. The ones he didn't I knew I needed to watch because they were typically the ones that start quarrels. He was kind of handy for that. I never saw him fight back and would laugh when little toy dogs would jump on him and boss him around. He loses interests with other dogs really fast though. At dog parks, he greats them and in about 10 seconds, he'd go looking around sniffing here and there.
Sometimes he will go into my roommate's room and lay down behind his chair when he's at his desk or will lay on his bed and go to sleep if he's outside his room. If Sandy turns to face him or tries to pet him, he runs away. He'll sniff him when he's not looking though but still panics if he gets up too fast. It's been this way for about four and a half years. Sandy has never laid a hand to him and even goes on runs with him if I hook up Rayne's collar for him. I know it has to make him feel like crap because he cares about Rayne but Rayne is afraid of him for no reason at all. Sandy is a great guy and he'd never harm him and never has. No one has. This dog gets nothing but love but he thinks everything wants to eat him or something.....including cats. I don't get it.
Clearly, the wolf attributes are predominant on these things. You can't domesticate a wolf. That takes hundreds and hundreds of years. You can socialize them but this can be dangerous too not only for those the wolf or wolfdog comes in contact with, but to the wolf itself. Biting a person has dire consequences. If a kid is bit in the face, most state laws require the head to be mailed off for testing looking for rabies even if the documentation is available stating it was vaccinated. I've worked at humane societies and animal shelters too. This is true in all places that I'm aware of.
The most important things I learned at the wolf sanctuaries is: “Wolves and wolfdogs do not make good pets” and “The biggest difference between a wolf and a dog is that a dog never grows up.”
This last Sunday Rayne had an incident... We were joring and coming up behind an older man walking his little toy breed dog. I got off the sidewalk and told him to move on but then he pulled me over towards the dog anyways. He came up behind it grabbed it in his jaws and shook while the man scrambled, screamed, and fell over in panic and me jumping off my bike yelling at Rayne to stop. Never had Rayne done anything like that before. I was shocked. Not but two months ago we had little Gracie, my roommate's parent's dog, over while they were on vacation. He could have cared less. This was so sudden and unprovoked and just so – so very out of the personality I've come to know over the nearly six years of his life. Fortunately, the smaller dog seemed to be okay as well as the man. No cops have knocked on my door either to both my surprise and relief.
About two weeks ago I found a dead possum in the backyard. I wasn't sure at first how it died but now I'm fairly certain that he killed it. That's probably the first kill he's had of that size. He once caught a mouse when he was turning two but that would be all that I'm aware of. Possums are fairly large, about the size of a small cat on average. This one seemed to have been healthy which arose my suspicions but Rayne has always been so gentle and fearful of everything. He still has his first toy with all the stuffing still inside of it as well as 50 some odd other toys all over the place acquired over time. Most of the squeakers still work too.
Now, I'm terrified for his well-being. I fear that the next time he gets out, something bad is going to happen, worse than Sunday... I can't blame him for being what he is. I know he didn't mean to hurt me when he did it. I'm certain he would never intentionally hurt me. He chooses when to listen to me though, and that's a problem I haven't been able to resolve. With him getting out in the past, it worried me to no end that he would get hit by a car or something. That's why I purchased a GPS tracker but it doesn't do me any good if I find him and he's killed someone's pet or bitten a kid....
It really feels like I have only three options available to me. I can take him back to Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary where he can live behind a fence for the remainder of his life and no longer have the luxury he's become accustomed to, I could ignore the incident and pray that nothing like this happens again, or euthanasia...which it totally screwed up and I don't know how I'd be able to live with myself. If I ignore this incident and just hope nothing bad happens, I take a really large gamble. I already feel horrible for the man whose dog was attacked. What if it were worse than that? Rayne, being as scared of people as he is, would not likely be caught by a uniform. He would probably be shot instead... No doubt he'd be ordered to be terminated if he were to bite a person. The trauma and fear he would be experiencing is gut wrenching for me to think about...and I wouldn't be there because I'd probably be at work. I'd get a notification that he was outside the designated zone though but these things happen so fast, I'd likely be too late. And Rayne's sake aside, if he were to kill another person's pet or attack a human it would emotionally scar those involved too and that's not right either. I don't mind gambling with my own life as much since I am the reaper of my harvest but I do -not- gamble with others well being. It's just wrong. Sure, there are a few names I'd love to see scratched off but my feelings for those people is specific to them...mostly politicians. I would feel horrible if I was responsible for altering another person's life for the worse indefinitely. I don't want to be that person. One or more lives could be abruptly ended and I really don't know how I'd handle myself with all of that guilt and grief left behind...
The only choice that feels remotely right is taking him back to Wild Spirit. He'll likely be placed in an one to two acre enclosure with another wolf or wolfdog and he may not leave it very often. Fortunately, he knows Leyton, the director, and he is one of the few people that he allows to touch him. Then again, it's been five years since the last time he saw him but a nose doesn't forget. I'm sure Leyton will spend as much time with him as he's able to and hopefully he'll befriend a volunteer. Some creatures just resonate well with others better. Selina typically hated most people but she loved me. Rayne might find someone there that he resonates with too. That would be temporary though... the bond ends when the volunteer leaves and I don't think that the bond him and I have could ever be replaced. Which is another worry of mine...that I may not be able to see him again either..... If my presence after being away for an extended amount of time hurts him, I can't repeat that. I wouldn't repeat that even though it would hurt me to be away. It would hurt me worse to hurt him more than I already have by leaving him in the first place. I'd love to have the excuse to go to WSWS more but I really couldn't if it were to stress him out by my doing so. I could only hope that he would adjust to it well.
I have failed Rayne a few times before, but I've always bettered myself to better his life and I feel like I came a long way and did the best I could for him but with this recent attack...it's something I can't control and therefore, can't remedy. It's on him and it's not his fault. It's just his nature and I'm sure he did it because he thought it was the right thing to do or least wouldn't be bad. The concept of good and bad is a human thing and we really can't expect other animals to discern between the two. I can't blame him for being what he is. I love what and who he is more than anything. I don't place fault on myself though either. I gave it my best shot and I feel like I did everything I could have done in his upbringing with socialization and recreation to have prevented something like this from happening. I only asked to take him on just because I thought he might be doggy enough to make it as one and that he deserved to live greatly. I wanted to give him that. I think I did but he's still got at least eight more years of life in him without the life I was building for us. It was rough at first but we pulled through and yet it was so short lived compared to what could have been... It's all based on a hope for something better. Who could be blamed for that?
If I blame anyone, I blame the people that helped bring him into this world to begin with. It's a domino effect that starts with people buying wild animals as pets and ends with people breeding them to sell them. It's a short few links but you'd be surprised at how many people can't recognize this. I lied to people about what he was every time for a reason. I hate lying but I'd lie a million times over if it were to prevent someone from contributing to this system. These people disgust me and animal sanctuaries are full to the brim with these discarded animals. Rayne came in as a pup. His mother and father were killed after a shootout between some police officers and a guy selling arms and drugs. An officer was shot in the leg and they opened fire on him, but what to do with his wolves? I guess he got them because he thought they'd make good guard dogs....except they aren't dogs and dogs shouldn't be treated that way either. The mother and father were terminated but Rayne and his two siblings were spared and ended up in the hands of the sanctuary after another couple tried to house them for a few months. Wolf sanctuaries are in business to go out of business. The goal is to provide a permanent home where they can live in comfort and safety and to educate the public about them. Rule #1 is that they don't make good pets.
I feel horrible and I'm battling depression. It will only get worse for a time but I'm sure it will subside years later. I doubt I will ever be able to think about him without getting a lump in my throat. He will feel horrible too when I leave him at the sanctuary... This is horrible for all of us.
You cannot say you love animals and get a wild one as a pet.
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Paradise
7 min read
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A Battle Worth Fighting For
7 min read
A Battle Worth Fighting For
As I’ve said before, there are very few things in life that are certain and the ones that are, are certainly happening now. However, if something should be uncertain but the product of the action is valued enough, it can be a good thing to put forth our effort and battle for an uncertainty.
In this journal, I wish to address some of the current issues associated with wolves and wolf hunting as well as what you can do to show your support.
As I’m sure many of you are already aware, on September 8th 2009 the preliminary injunction to stop the hunting of wolves due to them being illegally removed from the endangered species list was declined. This means that wolf hunting this year was approved, through ruling by Montana Chief Judge Donald Molloy.
A preliminary injunction is entered by a court prior to a determination of the merits of a legal case, in order to restrain a party from going forward with a course of conduct until the case has been decided. If the case is decided against the party that has demanded removal of the injunction, then the injunction will usually be made permanent. If the case is decided in favor of that party, then the injunction will usually be dissolved or dismissed.
In most courts in the United States, the party seeking the preliminary injunction must demonstrate the following four things:
1. That there is a substantial likelihood of success on the merits of the case
2. That they face a substantial threat of irreparable damage or injury if the injunction is not granted
3. That the balance of harms weighs in favor of the party seeking the preliminary injunction
4. That the grant of an injunction would serve the public interest.
And there’s your daily education referenced from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Now, this has already happened and wolf hunting is going on – right now in the states of Montana and Idaho. To learn more about this hearing follow this link: www.ens-newswire.com/ens/sep20…
To sum it up (if your not going to read the article), the injunction was declined because Judge Malloy, disagreed that the hunts this year would damage the wolf population in those regions as a whole. Unfortunately, that may be the case when only a small handful of all the wolves in those regions are breeding pairs (75 is a common quota). Should the breeding pairs be killed, the packs left behind may very well go into turmoil where inbreeding and cross-breeding occur. In short, the genetic makeup of the wolf may be permanently scarred by human superstition.
Rodger Schlickeisen, President of Defenders of Wildlife, said "While we are disappointed that the court did not issue an injunction, we are encouraged that the court seems to agree with us that the Obama Department of the Interior's delisting of the wolf was illegal and appears, as we have repeatedly said, to have reflected a political, rather than a science-based decision."
Ah yes, politics and politicians…lovely people, don’t you think? *cough* I am NOT a member of PETA or ALF by any means because I do not agree with their methods. If you are to throw red paint on a woman’s fur coat, I’d hope some would get in her mouth, but this is not helping anything. She would have it replaced and more lives would be lost due to someone’s ignorance. Legal action is required to get anything ultimately resolved. I AM a supporter of Defenders of Wildlife, Earth Justice, and other conservation groups because of their cause as well as lawful actions taken. DoW knows that the best way to fight the system is within the system.
Down to the point, we need widespread action in the region you are living in now. There isn’t anything we can do about the preliminary injunction being declined, it’s done and passed, but what we can do is address our US Senators, representatives, mayor and council members, and other US legislative bodies. Contact with these people in any form must remain diplomatic, informative, and punctual. Here’s a link to Defenders of Wildlife that will help in you in your efforts to restore the wolf to its rightful status on the on the endangered species list: www.defenders.org/take_action/…
Defenders of Wildlife (DoW) are well known for their endeavors and have had more success than any other conservation organization worldwide. DoW is very reputable, and should an individual be representing them, they must act accordingly.
Here are some ways to benefit the wolves:
• Set up a group in your area in which contact with senators, mayors, and other politicians can be made to address current issues. As a constituent, the elected officials work for you and it’s their job to address your concerns. To learn more about how to contact your government officials follow this link: www.defenders.org/take_action/… And here is a link showing all the US senators contact information: www.senate.gov/general/contact…
• Write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper publisher. Here’s more info on this tactic: www.defenders.org/take_action/…
• Are you a party animal? Then host a party for the animals! Community events can make a huge impact on the patrons. Hosting a local cookout for the wolves would be an excellent way to educate people about wolves and their interaction with humans and human lifestyles. Learn more here: www.defenders.org/take_action/…
• Post flyers in your community about wolves. Local parks, schools, colleges, libraries, and recreation facilities are great places to get the word out! Flyers should be informative but I would not advise the use of graphic hunting images. These disturbing images catch people’s attention, though to post them in a public place would only get them torn down just as quick as they were put up. Here’s a good example of how your flyer should look: www.defenders.org/take_action/…
Don’t give up so easily! If there’s a will, there’s a way!
As for my personal involvement, I will be contacting government officials to address my concerns with the wolves of the Northern Rocky regions. This morning, I spent hours talking with Defenders of Wildlife representatives and the Davis Miles Law Firm on how to go about these efforts. What I’d like to do now is host a local gathering in the Albuquerque, NM area! So listen up…
ALL Albuquerque, NM residents that wish to become involved meet me at the Juan Tabo Library on October 17th at 1:00pm.
On that day I will be looking for individuals that would be suitable and able to meet with New Mexico’s Senator Jeff Bingaman as a group. This is no cake-walk and will take the efforts of all that will be involved. I am looking for responsible, orderly, and informed people that are genuinely concerned and passionate about the Wolf Restoration Project and Protection Act. Don’t blow me off! I’ll be there waiting for you!
Also, post this journal on your MySpace, Facebook, Live Journal, any other blogs you may be involved with to spread the word!
There is a chance and there is always Hope! Divided we fall but united WE STAND TALL!!!!! It’s a battle worth fighting for!
Blessings,
~Wolf of Samhain
Commission Status: All Slots Open! Reserve yours now!
For a price list, please refer to journal entry entitled, "Healing Wolf Jewelry" here: wolf-of-samhain.deviantart.com…
For a list of Gems available, refer to journal entry entitled, "The Gem's I Have" here: wolf-of-samhain.deviantart.com…
As I’ve said before, there are very few things in life that are certain and the ones that are, are certainly happening now. However, if something should be uncertain but the product of the action is valued enough, it can be a good thing to put forth our effort and battle for an uncertainty.
In this journal, I wish to address some of the current issues associated with wolves and wolf hunting as well as what you can do to show your support.
As I’m sure many of you are already aware, on September 8th 2009 the preliminary injunction to stop the hunting of wolves due to them being illegally removed from the endangered species list was declined. This means that wolf hunting this year was approved, through ruling by Montana Chief Judge Donald Molloy.
A preliminary injunction is entered by a court prior to a determination of the merits of a legal case, in order to restrain a party from going forward with a course of conduct until the case has been decided. If the case is decided against the party that has demanded removal of the injunction, then the injunction will usually be made permanent. If the case is decided in favor of that party, then the injunction will usually be dissolved or dismissed.
In most courts in the United States, the party seeking the preliminary injunction must demonstrate the following four things:
1. That there is a substantial likelihood of success on the merits of the case
2. That they face a substantial threat of irreparable damage or injury if the injunction is not granted
3. That the balance of harms weighs in favor of the party seeking the preliminary injunction
4. That the grant of an injunction would serve the public interest.
And there’s your daily education referenced from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Now, this has already happened and wolf hunting is going on – right now in the states of Montana and Idaho. To learn more about this hearing follow this link: www.ens-newswire.com/ens/sep20…
To sum it up (if your not going to read the article), the injunction was declined because Judge Malloy, disagreed that the hunts this year would damage the wolf population in those regions as a whole. Unfortunately, that may be the case when only a small handful of all the wolves in those regions are breeding pairs (75 is a common quota). Should the breeding pairs be killed, the packs left behind may very well go into turmoil where inbreeding and cross-breeding occur. In short, the genetic makeup of the wolf may be permanently scarred by human superstition.
Rodger Schlickeisen, President of Defenders of Wildlife, said "While we are disappointed that the court did not issue an injunction, we are encouraged that the court seems to agree with us that the Obama Department of the Interior's delisting of the wolf was illegal and appears, as we have repeatedly said, to have reflected a political, rather than a science-based decision."
Ah yes, politics and politicians…lovely people, don’t you think? *cough* I am NOT a member of PETA or ALF by any means because I do not agree with their methods. If you are to throw red paint on a woman’s fur coat, I’d hope some would get in her mouth, but this is not helping anything. She would have it replaced and more lives would be lost due to someone’s ignorance. Legal action is required to get anything ultimately resolved. I AM a supporter of Defenders of Wildlife, Earth Justice, and other conservation groups because of their cause as well as lawful actions taken. DoW knows that the best way to fight the system is within the system.
Down to the point, we need widespread action in the region you are living in now. There isn’t anything we can do about the preliminary injunction being declined, it’s done and passed, but what we can do is address our US Senators, representatives, mayor and council members, and other US legislative bodies. Contact with these people in any form must remain diplomatic, informative, and punctual. Here’s a link to Defenders of Wildlife that will help in you in your efforts to restore the wolf to its rightful status on the on the endangered species list: www.defenders.org/take_action/…
Defenders of Wildlife (DoW) are well known for their endeavors and have had more success than any other conservation organization worldwide. DoW is very reputable, and should an individual be representing them, they must act accordingly.
Here are some ways to benefit the wolves:
• Set up a group in your area in which contact with senators, mayors, and other politicians can be made to address current issues. As a constituent, the elected officials work for you and it’s their job to address your concerns. To learn more about how to contact your government officials follow this link: www.defenders.org/take_action/… And here is a link showing all the US senators contact information: www.senate.gov/general/contact…
• Write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper publisher. Here’s more info on this tactic: www.defenders.org/take_action/…
• Are you a party animal? Then host a party for the animals! Community events can make a huge impact on the patrons. Hosting a local cookout for the wolves would be an excellent way to educate people about wolves and their interaction with humans and human lifestyles. Learn more here: www.defenders.org/take_action/…
• Post flyers in your community about wolves. Local parks, schools, colleges, libraries, and recreation facilities are great places to get the word out! Flyers should be informative but I would not advise the use of graphic hunting images. These disturbing images catch people’s attention, though to post them in a public place would only get them torn down just as quick as they were put up. Here’s a good example of how your flyer should look: www.defenders.org/take_action/…
Don’t give up so easily! If there’s a will, there’s a way!
As for my personal involvement, I will be contacting government officials to address my concerns with the wolves of the Northern Rocky regions. This morning, I spent hours talking with Defenders of Wildlife representatives and the Davis Miles Law Firm on how to go about these efforts. What I’d like to do now is host a local gathering in the Albuquerque, NM area! So listen up…
ALL Albuquerque, NM residents that wish to become involved meet me at the Juan Tabo Library on October 17th at 1:00pm.On that day I will be looking for individuals that would be suitable and able to meet with New Mexico’s Senator Jeff Bingaman as a group. This is no cake-walk and will take the efforts of all that will be involved. I am looking for responsible, orderly, and informed people that are genuinely concerned and passionate about the Wolf Restoration Project and Protection Act. Don’t blow me off! I’ll be there waiting for you!
Also, post this journal on your MySpace, Facebook, Live Journal, any other blogs you may be involved with to spread the word!
There is a chance and there is always Hope! Divided we fall but united WE STAND TALL!!!!! It’s a battle worth fighting for!
Blessings,
~Wolf of Samhain
Commission Status: All Slots Open! Reserve yours now!
For a price list, please refer to journal entry entitled, "Healing Wolf Jewelry" here: wolf-of-samhain.deviantart.com…
For a list of Gems available, refer to journal entry entitled, "The Gem's I Have" here: wolf-of-samhain.deviantart.com…
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In